|How does a child molester become a child molester?
1) Some people say they are born that way.
2)Some say it is an evil spirit within a person.
3)Some say that child molestation has happened for thousands of years since the beginning
4a)Some say child molesters are made at the hands of the molester that molested them.
4b) Some say that it stems from emotional trauma and sex used as a medication at a young
Truth is there are studies that support all the above except number one. We have gathered
information from various studies over time and attempt to make sense of this sinful,
destructive, evil behavior.
|What makes a Child Molester?
|2) Some say that it is an evil spirit within a person.
Studies have shown that 90% of the world population believes in a spiritual being as a higher power that is
good. Therefore they also believe that there is an evil power that works in the world and within people. There is no doubt that child sexual
abuse is an evil act. Along the same lines as incest, bestiality and adult rape and other horrific crimes. It is true that in ancient biblical days it
was not uncommon for a child as young as 13 to be married and have sexual relations. However, it was never acceptable with an adult. It
was always with someone around the same age. Some studies have attempted to show that this is where an adults desire to have sexual
relations with a child comes from. This is bogus! Yes in certain customs the age of a child becoming a women or a man is respected at age
13. A girl can conceive a child as young as 12 years old. A boy can produce sperm as young as 11 or 12. These things may be connected
back to ancient days and the way we were created. However, never was it alright or viewed religiously acceptable for an adult to have
sexual relations with a child. So is there an evil spirit of sorts at work in those who abuse children? Yes. Because it has never been
acceptable to any higher power of a good nature then by default, it comes from an evil spiritual power.
3) Some say that child molestation has happened for thousands of years since the beginning of Mankind.
It is true that even going back to the Corinthian and Babylonian days, adult on child sex abuse has been
occurring. Studies show that 40% of children who are molested and do not get counseling, go on to become child molesters themselves.
So it is reasonable to believe that as children were abused thousands of years ago, 40% of them went on to become child molesters. Then
40% of them and 40% of them and so on and so on. Recent studies of sex offenders who abused children have shown that 40% of them
stated that they were abused as children in the same ways they are or were abusing children. Certainly the number could be much higher
since disclosure of child sexual abuse is traumatizing and embarrassing. The factors that contribute to why only 40% of child sexual abuse
victims go on to abuse children are not completely known. Studies do show that child abuse victims who disclosed what happened and
received counseling were less likely to repeat the behavior.
4) Some say that child molesters are made at the hands of the ones who molested them.
Did you ever notice how many children end up repeating the behavior of their parents? Often times a child
of an alcoholic becomes an alcoholic. A child of a drug user becomes a drug user. Some children who grow up with violent and angry
parents are angry and violent themselves. Children who grow up learning how to steal from their parents, often become the ones who steal.
Interesting how not all children of parents in these situations go on to repeat the behaviors and actions of their parents. Not all children
who have been sexually abused go on to abuse other children. Is child molestation a learned behavior? Many studies show that certainly it
is. So what about the children who are molested and don't get counseling and also don't go on to molest children? Why do some repeat the
behavior and some don't? Studies have shown many factors that contribute to this.
A) The age of the sexual abuse.
Most state laws in America say that at age 18 (some even say 16 and around the world it is as low as 14) a person is mature and able to
agree to sexual relations with someone. However, we know that not all 18 year olds are at the same maturity level. Some 18 year olds still
have the emotional maturity of a child in many ways. This stems from a childhood emotional trauma at a particular age. There emotional
maturity is stunted. There is an increasing number of adult men and women today who are still engaging in childhood behaviors.
Psychology shows that when a child experiences a trauma at say age 9 or 10, a part of their brain does not
develop completely with their age. They may grow in stature and mature in some ways but the emotional trauma if not healed can stay with
a person their whole life and have long lasting impacts. How many times have we seen adults in addiction having to go back to their
childhood to heal wounds in order to gain power over their addiction? Or a child that was abused or traumatized growing up to have more
severe emotional or even mental problems? This is quite common.
Perhaps one of the reasons some children go on to molest as adults and others don't has to do with the age
of their abuse. Many laws recognize this and is why penalties against abusers are more severe for those who abuse younger children. The
younger the child, the more damage is done ( not saying that no damage is done to an older child ) and the more likely the child will grow up
to repeat the behaviors that they have learned. So can we say that some children who are molested go on to molest children as adults
because it was learned by their molester? Yes.
B) Children who are emotionally detached from one or both of their parents.
Children who are from broken homes, who have had a father or mother leave them or have experienced neglect and abuse can become
emotionally detached. That is afraid to be emotionally close to someone. Yet, our human minds are created to connect with others or we
feel a sense of extreme loneliness which for a child (or even an adult) is a very scary thing. So when a child from this type of environment is
subjected to or exposed to something that makes them feel good (that is self medicating) their pain, an addiction is formed. A child who is
sexually abused, if not physically forced, usually does not realize that they are being led into an medicating, escaping addiction that will
harm them. How could they know?
So when the abuser shows up in their life (by the way 90% of children are sexually abused by someone
they already know) and does not hit them or neglect them and seems to care for them, they are immediately drawn to that person so the
child will not feel alone anymore. The abuser introduces sexual feelings to the child and they see this as a medication for their pain and loss
( this is the same with children that are exposed to child or adult pornography, or drugs and alcohol ) In the same way a child that does
drugs or drinks alcohol at a young age is more likely to become addicted as they see this as a way of self medicating their emotional pain.
So as the child's brain matures and they grow, they feel that they can't function or medicate their pain and
stresses in life without the sex, drugs or alcohol. Because this is what they learned when they were young and most vulnerable. As the
child becomes a man or a women they will continue to use these "medications" as a way to cope in life. Often what is happening is the child
(now adult) is still trying to medicate that emotional trauma experienced as a child, by engaging in the behaviors they were subjected to.
Until that persons trauma is healed, the chance of breaking the addiction cycle is minimal. With child sexual abuse, it is a very powerful
feeling that numbs the trauma but only temporarily.
Some studies show that this is why molesters target a certain age and certain sex of a child. They are trying
to relive that powerful medicating feeling from when they are young. You combine this with an evil spirit that is leading them and you have a
molester for life or at least until they uncover the roots that are leading them to commit abuse over and over again. Is all this to say what
they are doing is understandable and OK? NO! The average age a molester starts abusing is 15 years old. So the moment they realize there
is a problem they need to seek help to stop it. This can be very difficult to do because remember the abuser feels they need to do this in
order to cope with life. Drug addicts, Alcohol addicts and sex addicts become very good at hiding their destructive and harmful behaviors.
This is why it is so important for parents and others to read the guidelines found on this site and go over them with their children. There are
many warning signs that a teenager may be a child molester and the sooner it is caught the more chance there is to break the cycle.
What about the child molesters that claim they have never been molested?
No study has been ever been able to prove if all child molesters have been molested as children. So we have to assume that some haven't.
In cases like this, there is some explanations that may explain why an adult is sexually attracted to children.
A) Certainly what was explained above about traumatic childhood experiences can tie into this. If part of a molesters brain (the part that
controls sexual appetite) is still at a certain childhood age then that person will still be desiring sexual activity experienced as a child with
someone of that age. The younger a child experiences sexual activity, the more likely they are to be addicted to it. There is good reason
why children should not be experiencing any sexual driving or sexual activity until age 18. If a molester has had a traumatic childhood and
sex was the coping mechanism learned, then that trauma can stunt the part of the brain that controls sexual desire. Also, the molesters
brain is convinced that the only way to cope with life is to relive the destructive thing that seemed to have helped them get through.
B) Studies of interviews done with child molesters have found that the majority of them do not feel as though they are hurting children.
They actually are convinced that what they are doing is helping a child cope with life. The same way they learned to cope with their life
growing up. They believe the world is wrong and what they are doing is right. This deception is destructive and addicting. Until they realize
that the way they learned to cope was harmful and that what they are doing is harmful to children, they will never stop. Healing of their
childhood traumas needs to take place as the first step.
C) Studies of interviews done with child molesters have also shown that some have a very strong fear of being emotionally attached to
adults. They often lacked any true meaningful emotional attachments with adults and therefore surround themselves with children to be
emotionally close to. The evil deception is they have learned that using sex feels like the only safe way to be close to someone. We see
adults today doing the same thing. Hollywood continually shows this in movies and sitcoms. The people seem to share a brief emotional
moment then jump into having sex and they then say they love each other. Often today, adults will have sex with someone not long after
they met and they feel close to the person because of it. Of course the relationship falls apart and the cycle continues on. Many molesters
have not learned to have healthy relationships with adults do to severe trust issues experienced as a child with adults in their life.
D) Sex can be just as addictive and self medicating as drugs and alcohol. Child molesters have not learned to cope with life in healthy ways.
They usually have very minimal coping skills and therefore always return to what makes them feel good. If sex was what they learned as
their escape then sex will be a continual part of their everyday life. If they learned as a child that sex was a way to cope and no other way,
then they will repeat sexual situations with children that they experienced as children. Maybe not at the hands of a molester but perhaps
through pornography or premature sexual activity.
Studies of child molesters who have been able to control and in some cases remove their desire for child sexual activity.
According to studies of crime statistics, it is true that most child molesters never stop abusing children.
However, there are studies that show a great number of them are remorseful and want to stop but they have no idea how. Very similar to a
drug or alcohol addict that tries over and over to stop but fail in their attempts. These studies did show that once a person finds a true faith
in God and surrounds themselves with Godly men learning to build healthy emotional attachments along with finding healing for childhood
trauma and learning legal non destructive coping skills, the chances of them being healed and cured was greater then those who had not.
The surrender to a spiritual higher power that can heal old wounds can break addictive cycles. As stated
earlier, an evil spirit is believed to be the source of this sinful, evil and destructive behavior. Logically, a human cannot defeat something
spiritual with human means. Only Spirit can do battle with Spirit. Which explains why many addicts of various things have found healing
from their addictions only after finding their Higher power as the source for spiritual strength, wisdom and healing.
When children are not taught how to cope with all the things that life can throw at them and do not have at least one loving, caring adult in
their life that is not abusing them, the chances of that child's emotional health being stunted by self medicating addictions and further
abuses goes way up.
As a society, will we be able to eradicate child sexual abuse completely? With the culture pushing sex on
kids at a younger and younger age, and children being more comfortable exposing their bodies, with sex "education" being taught to 5
year olds in school, with sex being made to look like it is love through Hollywood, with the divorce rate on the rise, with more and more
adults being irresponsible with their children, with children not being taught how to cope with and heal through the tragedies of life, with
the easy access to self medicating through pornography on the Internet and drugs being made legal, without parents and guardians and
other caring loving people looking out for our kids and raising them to know and believe they are not alone, without God the Supreme
Creator who is good being taught to them so they can have a fight against the evil that is so prevalent in their lives today, without kids
being taught that God can heal their past traumas and remove the need for self medicating, and without millions more dedicating
themselves to exposing child sex abuse and to trying to understand what makes a molester...There is no way we can stop it.
However, you see that it is in our hands. The responsibility, the fight belongs to us. If we will speak up and speak out and love these
precious children with God's love then maybe, just maybe we can win the war.